Cereal Offenders

Cereal Offenders is a 4-track EP featuring the following songs.

We have been greatly encouraged and supported by the team who present the Breakfast program on Melbourne radio station, 3AW. Each of the songs on Cereal Offenders has been inspired by a story or segment on the program.

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1. Never Pash The Head Of HR

Very useful advice in any circumstance, unless, of course, you are in a legitimate romantic relationship with the Head of HR.

We should point out that this song is not necessarily influenced by any specific story and is presented here purely as a community service announcement.

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2. No Chance Tonight, Darling

This is a traditional, sad country song, telling the tale of someone who has just about had enough of their current relationship.

Inspired by a piece of sporting commentary, the story kind of grew into what is really a masterpiece of its genre.

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3. Glomesh and Goonbags

Here is a tribute to the ladies who dress themselves up and head out all "Glomesh" and end the night drinking cheap alcohol, known colloquially in Australia as "goon". Not glamorous in any way by the time the night ends and so, as with all such tales, it has "country music" written all over.

Keep yourselves tidy, ladies.

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4. Why Is Your Ass Called Your Bottom (If It's Only Halfway Down)?

One of the great philosophical questions of our age - first posed by our lyrical contributor, Sophie.

Why IS it called a bottom, when the soles of your feet are around 80 - 90cm further down? We're not sure either but we weren't going to let that one go past.

Thanks for being our co-writer, Sophie!