The Buffet Of Crime

As we said elsewhere, we have a great relationship with team on 3AW Breakfast (Melbourne, Australia). One of the regular contributors to their program is Channel Nine's (TV) Today Show reporter, Christine Ahern.

In January 2025, Christine reported in from Elwood Beach (in Melbourne) to tell us that a driver called Mohammed had unintentionally driven his car into the water at the beach. As part of one of the interviews, he tried to ask Christine out for dinner, resulting in a video clip that went viral with Christine saying "No Dinner, Mohammed".

More recently, Christine spoke of what she described as The Buffet Of Crime in Melbourne. All sorts of bad things seem to be happening in Melbourne, particularly overnight and we thought that The Buffet Of Crime seemed like an ideal, albeit sad, way to describe what's going on.

This double-A single pays tribute to Christine's work as only Artie and the band can.

Image

1. (Christine Ahern and) The Buffet Of Crime

Vocals: Artie Fishall

As mentioned above, Christine Ahern is a reporter on Channel Nine's Today Show. Every morning, she pops up on our TV screens telling us about something that has happened overnight in Melbourne. She usually doesn't need to look far for a story - in fact, it could be said that she has a task choosing only one thing from the smorgasbord of bad things that seem to be happening far too often in Melbourne. Here is Artie's take on the situation.

Image

2. No Dinner, Mohammed

Vocals: Indie Pendant

This one dates back almost eighteen months when a tourist somehow ended up bogged in the sand on an inner suburban beach in Melbourne. Christine covered the story and during one of the live crosses, the alleged driver tried to ask her out for dinner. Her response - No Dinner, Mohammed - went viral. If you haven't seen the clip, you can check it out on YouTune by clicking here. Indie decided that a song should be written to acknowledge Mohammed's audacity and Christine's professionalism!