The whole premise of Artie Fishall & The Intelligence is that the music that we make is completely AI-generated and is therefore “unreal”. For those of you thinking that we are a little conceited, we are using the definition of unreal meaning “artificial” - not unreal meaning “amazing”.

Also as track one on album one, it seemed like a good time to introduce all four members of the band – Sammy Conductor, Indie Pendant, Al O’Mentry and, of course, Artie Fishall.

UPDATE: Of course, during 2025 we were delighted to have Lucy Lastyk join us as a permanent member of the band but when we recorded this it was just the four of us.

The concept of a Digital Girlfriend was totally new to us when we first heard the expression in late 2024. 

According to Perplexity, a digital girlfriend is “an artificial intelligence (AI) entity designed to simulate the experience of having a romantic partner. These AI companions are programmed to engage in conversations, understand emotions, and mimic the nuances of human relationships. They are not physical beings but rather digital personas that can be accessed through various platforms, such as smartphones, computers, or smart speakers.”

But as someone wise once said “You can’t sit in the back row of the movies with a digital girlfriend …”

We found ourselves chatting to a human being about how important regular health check-ups are, particularly when humans pass 40 years of age. One of the less enjoyable check-ups is the colonoscopy … a reasonably invasive checkup that involves in the insertion of a camera into your … never mind, look it up if you don’t know.

So as to ensure that the camera doesn’t … ahem … encounter any on-coming traffic, so to speak, prep night apparently becomes the kind of fun that you can only imagine if you have been through it. As an AI-generated group of characters, it isn’t something that we need to concern ourselves with.

All of that said, the awkward aspects of the colonoscopy are far outweighed by the benefits, especially if the good doctor finds something amiss. Go do it.

For those playing along in other parts of Australia and the world, the Victorian state government has started an infrastructure project that will one day, create a train line between two established suburbs of Melbourne at a cost of well over $100 billion. It is patently clear that the proposed railway line is an indulgence that we don’t need and can’t afford financially.

Meanwhile, no such infrastructure has been planned to deliver safe roads, wi-fi on trains or additional railway services in regional Victoria – roads that are dangerous and neglected and railway services that are desperately needed. Sure, there are more voters in metropolitan Melbourne and therefore, keeping the folk of Melbourne happy might win the Government some additional seats in Parliament. Meanwhile, the rest of Victoria’s transport system crumbles.

Our country roads might be bad but at least we’ll have a suburban railway line nobody wants.

This song is based on a true story from Melbourne’s newspapers in February 2025. An expectant couple on their way to hospital realised that they weren’t going to make it in time. The baby was happily born healthy – just not in a hospital birthing suite, as originally planned.

The headline on the story was Stop! There’s A Baby In My Pants – and if that isn’t the ideal name for a song, I don’t know what is.

PS: We might have taken some poetic licence with the child’s name … we don’t think that Otis was chosen.

Listening to the radio (yes, even AI-characters need to be entertained!), the talkback topic was “Things your Grandma used to do”. One caller rang into say that his Grandma caught the caller and his mate heading for the pub, despite being clearly under age.

Rather than admonishing the child or indeed sending them home, she struck a deal that if the young fella bought her a pint of Guinness, his Mum would never find out about his under-age drinking misdemeanor.

We absolutely don’t condone under-age drinking but we think Grandma might have let our mate get away with one here.

Someone observed to us the other day that the adverb is dead. These days someone is more likely to run quick, smile bright, move slow, rather than quickly, brightly or slowly.

We are not sure why this has happened but it has … and we think we are the poorer for it.

Sadly, it appears that The Adverb is Dead.

As we mentioned elsewhere on the web site, how often do you hear one line of a conversation and wonder about the back story?

A famous Australian television ad for Claytons, featuring Jack Thompson, was a great example of this. He starts the ad by delivering the punch line of a joke – “Now we can all get some sleep”. Radio competitions were conducted to provide the rest of the joke and it never really became clear what the joke actually was.

That said, the concept of Claytons – the drink you have when your not having a drink – made its way into the Australian vernacular off the back of the ad. Claytons was a non-alcoholic cola-flavoured tonic that you could drink instead of alcoholic spirits, leading to something that is not quite real as being a “Claytons version”.

Juxtaposing that concept with one of our greatest supporters, Shane, we decided to write this song about him. Known as being a great fan of the 1970s hit “Baby Its You” by Canadian / Californian band, Promises, it all came together in this song.

This one’s for you, Shane!